Yesterday the weather grew heavy and dark – there were storms passing to the north and south of the city, but nothing landed here until after 11 pm. I was practicing a new piece on my guitar, when suddenly the rain came pouring down. I got up to shut the door and windows that were wide open, letting the cooling winds into the apartment.
I put out all the lights, and stood by the east window, and watched the rain blown streets and parking lots. It was glorious. The wind pushed sheets of rain down the asphalt, the streetlights’ glow showed it all so clearly, and I had the oddest feeling that I was somewhere else … I’m not really sure where – it somehow felt European? Another time period entirely?
I don’t know. It was an odd sensation, and I stood there a long while, enjoying the sights, the sounds, and the glory of the storm – the booming thunder, the flashing lightening, the trees bending under the winds. It was soothing, somehow, and I took myself off to bed, to fall asleep to the sound and the fury.
Last night my friend, Shira, sent me some poems to consider at this shifting time of life. One of them was a short, pointed piece from Rumi:
“You have spent your life in a frantic running from the silence”.
Here is a small portion of the John O’Donohue poem:
Stay clear of those vexed in spirit. / Learn to linger around someone of ease / who feels they have all the time in the world.
And a piece from the David Whyte poem:
…learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.
Like the weather, there have been days full of the threat of storms that pass by and leave me wanting some release … other days when the storm falls heavy in my heart and mind and the aftermath leaves me feeling clean and clear … and all the time – I find myself shifting and shifting again toward something new.
It can be a challenge for me to “stop the frantic running from the silence”, but when I allow myself to know that spending time with myself, when I allow myself to know that I do have all the time in the world, I feel so much more alive.
Here I am, 11 years later, in different place and time, and I am still witnessing the rains … and today sleet and snow … as they shift over the landscape to both reveal and conceal.
I find myself in deep gratitude today for the generosity I’ve experienced in the past few days, my heart is wide open. I am no longer running from the silence, instead I immerse myself. I linger with those who are at ease, including myself, and I am learning to allow myself to come alive. Life is good.
From the Archives: 5/21/08
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